Changing Leaves

Throughout the years, I have enjoyed October. There is nothing quite like driving on the New York highways seeing all the trees in the middle of transition from green to all the beautiful colors Mother Nature bestows upon them. Hockey starts at the beginning of the month, and I can once again watch my favorite players hit the ice, as well as members of their opposing team. The Holiday season is ushered in by the taunts of “Trick-or-Treat” on Halloween.

Two other events once promised October to be a wonderful month, yet now make it one of the hardest to get through… my wedding to Jake, and his birthday four days later. Although each year they become easier to deal with, in some respects I anticipated this year to be difficult in a different way. Imagine going to your husband’s grave on your anniversary to mourn him, yet you are so happy with someone new in your life. A clash of emotions would be an understatement for how I felt.

I had hoped getting through that week would shine a light. Unfortunately, I then had to say goodbye to a dear friend.

Arlo was Jake’s dog that he got from the Humane Society. His L-shaped tail bared witness to a life of abuse before being rescued. He was in some lights Jake’s best buddy, often being Jake’s outlet when he “talked” for the dog.

As Arlo got up in years, Jake and I had discussed how hard it would be to let him go when it was his time to leave this earth. This week, that task rested on me. It’s not like I never saw this day coming – the dog was 15 years old. But that didn’t make it any easier.

Up until a few months ago, he still was pretty vibrant and liked to chase. I would tease him, as his daddy did before me, in a fake fight stance with my fists in the air. I would do a slight stutter jump, and when I would land, the game was on. He would drop onto his front paws, give a bark and start running around the house like a lunatic running circles around me. To keep him going, all I would have to do would hit the fight stance again.

The chase ended with his eye problems this past winter. Yet he was still alert and as loving as ever. I knew I wouldn’t have him forever, but I still psyched myself out of thoughts of the end even as his conditioned worsened over the past few months. I convinced myself that his constant “accidents” in the house were him being a jerk and not the signs of senility or something worse. However, I had to face the reality of it all when I watched him take five minutes to think about laying down because it hurt him so much, get up every 10 minutes to take him outside, really took a good look at his weight loss, and finally to find him laying in his own feces several days in a row.

So, as he lay down on the comforter in the vet’s office, I held his paw and thought about what this loving creature had meant to me. I remembered the horrible night the police showed up to tell me Jake had died. Although Arlo had always been extremely territorial, he ignored the police. As I cried, he laid at my feet, for the first time ever.

I thought about all the nights that he laid on Jake’s side of the bed, and I would hold on to him for dear life, sobbing uncontrollably. I would ask, “Give me kissy”. And he would oblige with a smile on his face. Yes, I let the dog kiss me. Get over it.

He took all my pain, and all he asked for in return was love.

I could not let this wonderful friend suffer anymore, especially after the vet told me what was happening to him. I just hoped his daddy and he appreciate what act of love it was to let him go, that I tried to take care of him as best I could.

Some might say, “Ah, he was only a dog. Why get so worked up?” He was a friend, companion, support in my darkest hours… he was family.

So as his life slipped away, I told him he was a good boy. I thanked him. I promised him that his daddy would be there when he opened his eyes. I told him I loved him.

8/1/94 - 10/17/09

Fresh Breeze Blowing In

This summer was very busy for me, which is a bit unusual. For awhile, a free weekend was a rare commodity.

Sagittarius and I were able to go on two camping trips this summer, the most recent being Labor Day weekend. We made another trek into the Adirondacks for three days and three nights of Tent-Life Fun. The weather was absolutely beautiful, which was a bit of a surprise since there was a lot of rain that week. We spiced it up the trip with a hiking tour of Ausable Chasm, which is at the most northern part of the Adirondacks state park.

In front of Rainbow Falls at the beginning of Ausable Chasm

I'd love to see Rainbow Falls in early spring when the snow from the mountains would be melting.

They call this Elephant Head. Can you see the trunk and eye?

The hike was great. Unfortunately, the night before I had tripped while setting up the tent. I banged up my knee and arm pretty good, so I had to take frequent breaks along the way. One thing that kept popping into my head, as Sagittarius and I would sit and take in all of the natural beauty before us, was how much Jake would have appreciated an excursion like this. He and I used to hike a local trail and visit parks a couple times a year. Even though I was having a fantastic time with Sagittarius and was glad we were there together, the smile on my face hid a slight tinge of sadness and remembrance. But that all went away as soon as I saw this sign. Suddenly I felt that somehow, even though I now walk a different path he's still there enjoying the journey with me.



The weekend also came complete with critters of all types. At Ausable Chasm I almost stepped on this snake. I think he was more freaked out that I was because he took off quickly. Then that evening, we heard kids talking about hawks, eagles and vultures; and we looked up to see a group of birds circling overhead. Then, that night, something scratched on the tent. When Sagittarius hit the tent and looked through the opening, he saw a skunk scurrying away. Although I can't smell (yes, my sense of smell is non-existent), I have heard how horribly difficult it is to get the stench of skunk spray off. So I was quite happy at the thought that he was too scared or too busy to take the time to leave his scent behind.

While I did a lot of knitting, Sagittarius took the opportunity to get caught up on the classics.

I have been knitting like crazy all summer. After crocheting all the baby blankets I was working on for friends and co-workers, I decided to get a start on Christmas presents. I am making blankets for everyone and figured I should get am early start since I am going to knit them all. I started on my dad's blanket in July. Since my gauge is still tighter than most patterns, it was too small and I had to break it into two panels. However, it's the heaviest of all that I plan to do (my dad is always cold) and August brought the heat wave, so I finished the first panel then set it aside until cooler weather. I then picked up work on Sagittarius' Mom's blanket. I haven't finished it yet, but I fell so much in love with it, that I ran off and bought the yarn to do the same pattern for my mom's blanket and started work on that.

Amongst all this, Sagittarius and I have decided to live together. I have begun moving things around, sorting through what should go and what should stay, in anticipation of the day when all his things and my things will make their home together and become our things. I'm making plans for a garage sale and pricing items. All along, there is still the hurdle that I have yet to jump - getting rid of most of Jake's things. Throughout the two years since he died, I slowly took steps toward this. First step - I took his clothes out of the bedroom closet and put them in the guest room. Step two - I moved the furniture around to how I would like, trying not to think too much of how he would have liked it. Step three - I emptied out the dresser drawers and his nightstand and put the contents in storage containers. Step four - I moved some of his items into the attic. Step five - I packed up most of the wedding stuff. These were spread out over several months, and it wasn't like I planned it out with a playbook. I let it happen when I felt I was ready to.

I know, and even say, that I need to give his clothes away to Goodwill. I know I need to remove items of his I will never use. Yet, even though I know what I must do, I still haven't done it. Why? I think I am still holding on, even if it's just with my fingertips, to something that once was and will never be again. It's not like I have kept everything as he left it. I wouldn't want Sagittarius to be uncomfortable, with "another man's things lying around", so I did pack most things away before the first time he even came over to my house. However, I need to come to grips with the idea that although I may give away his things, I'm not giving him away. I love the life that I am venturing on and truly believe that Jake's happy for me and might have even given me a nudge this way.

This autumn brings with it the promise of learning. Besides knitting and crocheting, which I began one year ago this month, I do not consider myself very domestic. To help me out, the ladies at Monday Night Craft Night have started finding me easy recipes to help me cook when it's my turn for dinner. So far, Chicken Cordon Bleu and Cheeseburger Roll-ups have been hits. My greatest triumph will be when I can manage to make my favorite dish - lasagna. You might think it easy, but if anything requires more than three or four steps, I break out into a sweat.

Just as my sorrow has given way to great happiness and love, so does Summer give way to Autumn - perhaps my favorite time of year. I love driving the road when the leaves on the trees are changing. I enjoy pulling on a flannel shirt or fleece jacket when a cool wind passes across my shoulders and weaves through my hair. I think the best part of my day is holding a warm mug of apple cider in my chilly, early morning fingers before taking in a sip to thaw my bones. This year, besides my parents and some good friends, I get to spend it with a good man. I get to come home to loving arms. I have someone to curl up in a blanket with on the couch, catching a football game as we dine on his great chili. I'll have someone to talk with, as the wind howls through the creases of the house. I'll have a companion to help build a snowman when the first snowflakes drift to the ground.

I am looking forward to what will be.

Two Years - Reflecting

It has been two years since Jake died. I had hoped I would have handled today better than I am. It has quite naturally brought about reflection and a miserable wave of emotion with it.

Two years. What has transpired in two years? I have seen bleak darkness. I have had day after day of wanting to curl up and disappear into nothingness. I have been void of all existence, with the exception of the movement of a finger to change the channel on the TV remote. I have become a person I didn't recognize wondering who I was anymore.

Two years. There are people that tell you how much you matter to them. There are some who insist that you can count on them and call on them whenever you need. There are those that you believe should know how you feel and will be a support. All these people let me down. Some of them were the most hurtful, at this horrible point in our lives. I didn't hold my breath waiting on them to fulfill these promises, that they never came through on.

Two years. I found the most important people in my life. They didn't tell me all these things, they did them. From the friend and loved ones who would call my answering machine and leave me messages knowing that I might not be in the mental state to talk, but that the sound of a loving voice could help. To those that just held me, not saying a word, as I sobbed in their arms. Then there were those who would just let me talk when I felt the need, without giving me the look of "Oh God, she's going to talk about her dead husband again. How sad. I can't cope" even if that might have been how they felt. And of course amongst these are my parents - those souls that would love to protect me from all hurt, harm and danger even though they know they can't.

Two years. I went from being able to see the future - actually being able to see the faces and the details in the scenes - with this great guy that I loved, to being incomplete and dreading what the next minute would bring my way. But I began to want to live again. It's amazing the small changes that can bring a small spark into an empty soul. Furniture change in one room brought about an excitement to change more. Once another room was down, I wanted to do more. Read. I always loved to read. The book I picked up kindled an old desire to learn something new. I always loved to learn. That lead me to Craft Night with friends to learn how to knit and crochet. The joy of making something with my own hands for people I love, sparked a slow burning desire to want to be happy again. When you begin to live again, just living isn't good enough. You want to feel ALIVE. So I opened up myself to the possibility of a different future, a different life from what Jake and I had planned or what I had been spiraling down towards. Then I met Sagittarius, who makes me feel alive.

So two years have come and gone since Jake walked out that door to never return. I still think about what would life have been like if I had followed my instincts and convinced him to stay and talk with me. However, I know that I can't change anything and I have to live with that. I mourn the Jake and the me that we will never be. I can't be the person I once was. I've become a different being. Now I think about what and who this metamorphosis has lead me to, and although I have new dreams for the future, my hope is that one day I will once again be able to see this new future that begins to unfold for me.

Pleasantly busy

I've always been somewhat of an introvert. When I was a kid, I didn't have very many friends that I spent a lot of time with outside of school. That might have been due to the fact that when my friends were dressing up their Barbies to go to glamorous balls, mine had to go to work because she had a mortgage to pay and two young kids at home to feed.

I've always had a good personality and people liked being around me. But, while my parents tried to keep my brother at home more, they were actually trying to kick me out of the house. Not saying I can't have a good time at a party, or that I don't like to do things; just that my social calendar has never been what you call "full".

So, the other day when I was syncing my busy and personal calendars, I was pleasantly surprised to see the color I have designated for personal has begun to grow and sprinkle more and more days. Granted the majority of these days are weekend days, but given the stagnant stall my life had been in for a year and a half prior to meeting Sagittarius, even this is a big change.

The weekend after camping with Sagittarius, was the Fourth of July. The next weekend (this past weekend) was a barbecue for our parents to meet. I was feeling under the weather on Saturday, but still managed to get a lot done around the house to prepare. Things went well on Sunday and our parents had a great time.

Mom and Pops look so cute

Sagittarius' mom enjoyed herself and was great company

This weekend, we are going out of state to visit a friend of his.

In the midst of this, I have still been working on my knitting and crochet projects. I was so excited to finally finish the third baby blanket I had been working on, and mail it out to my friend in Pennsylvania. I used the same crochet pattern as I did with the second baby blanket, this time using Pound Of Love's pastel pink and white, and Baby Sport lavender. I weaved in a pink ribbon.



Two days later, I finished a part one of a two-part project I'm working on for Sagittarius' birthday in the winter. I won't disclose any further details so that he doesn't know what his present is before he gets it.

That same day, I finished knitting a scarf for myself. This is the second one I've done using the same pattern - Textured Scarf and Hat, found in the Fall 2008 issue of Love Of Knitting. I have started working on the hat to match.


Now I have also begun working on knitting an afghan for my father as a Christmas present. I figure I need to start early on any hand made holiday gifts to give me enough time.

The Call Of The Great Outdoors

I have to freely admit that I’m not a “girly” girl. Even though I might like to paint my nails and I have picked up some “girly” hobbies (knitting and crocheting), I grew up a tomboy and traditionally think of myself as such. However, it’s been years since I’ve been camping, and even then it was a very rare occurrence.

The last time I went camping was when I was about 13 years old. For my mom’s birthday, my parents decided to go camping. My father was in charge of picking the location. My mother’s birthday is at the end of August. Where did my dad decide we would go tent camping? In the middle of the Joshua Tree desert. Needless to say, it was very hot and very uncomfortable but I still remember that trip as a fun experience.

My dad rented a generator, brought a TV, a VCR and boogie boards. He then got mad at my mom when she wanted to bring some folding lawn chairs because we were supposed to be “roughing it”. They allowed me to bring a friend along, and she and I had front row seats to the fireworks.

The trip was the last time I voluntarily took a shower with ice cold water. There was no swimming allowed in the stream we were by. The only water to douse yourself with was that of the public shower, and all it had was the ice cold water. It was so hot and my clothes were sticking to me that I almost jumped in fully dressed.

I loved sleep then, and I still do.

My friend C and I declaring our territory.

I have been desiring another excursion into the nature that makes up our beautiful country, but haven’t had the opportunity. I have “gone away” – staying in a camper complete with a refrigerator, stove, toilet, shower, bed, couch, TV and satellite – but haven’t been tent camping since that infamous experience when I was a kid.

Then comes along Sagittarius. He loves camping and I was so excited when we picked out a weekend to go together. I had all our supplies packed days ahead of time.

He found a great location near Fort Ticonderoga. We arrived Friday night and set up camp rather quickly. On Saturday, he whipped up some breakfast before we set out exploring. We visited the fort ruins at Crown Point, then saw a reenactment of a French Indian War battle at Fort Ticonderoga. The weather was great except the downpour that hit us during the reenactment, but we weren’t going to miss that because of a little rain.

I would say the only issues I had during the weekend were that we weren’t secluded enough to afford me the privacy of going to the bathroom in the bushes – I had to use the public restrooms – and that the sun woke me at the crack of dawn. I love my sleep and would have just rolled over and covered my face from the light, except Mother Nature called me to the bathrooms at that time.

Overall, the trip was a success – complete with a spotting of what appeared to be an eagle soaring overhead, a fright the first night when something hit the top of the tent then fluttered off, numerous bites from mosquitoes even though I was covered by insect repellent, and a mysterious critter that somehow got trapped under the tent the second night and tried to get out every time we stopped talking.

At the fort ruins at Crown Point.

Prepare to fire

Fire!

Sagittarius and I at Crown Point. That's Lake Champlain behind us.

Vacation - All I Ever Wanted

Work has been pretty busy and hectic for the past few months. We are working on a big project and I wasn't even at my desk for about two months, jumping from one location to another. With the back-and-forth, I once showed up at the wrong location, having to drive to the next site about half hour away. A few times during this period, I spent half the day in the car running from place to place, whereas my job usually calls for me being in one location all day long.

That, along with the project itself being pressure packed, led to a higher stress level and the need for a break. As soon as I was able to get back to my desk and see the eye of the storm, I requested a vacation from work. With no trip in mind, the sole purpose of the vacation was just to take a break from work and relax.

The first day of vacation was Friday and I started it off with a big change for me. I chopped off my hair as a donation for Lock Of Love. The initial chop was expected. The length was still a little below my shoulders. However, after telling the cosmetologist what I wanted, there was a lot more clipping than I expected. I sat in the chair wondering "What the HELL am I doing." Yet, as I sat in the chair, the scissors still in her hand, I asked for more. I made an appointment for the next day for her to do highlights. Besides shampoo and conditioner, and the occasional hair smoother, I haven't put any sort of chemical in my hair since two perms when I was a pre-teen. Now, not only was I chopping my hair off, but the next day I was going to get highlights. I left the shop and immediately went for some comfort food in the way of a BK Whopper.

Before

After - day 1

Day two of vacation was started at the salon again, getting the highlights done. Once again, I was in the chair wondering how I had lost my mind. However, when I got in the car and looked in the mirror, I realized I liked it more than I had expected to. After I got home, Sagittarius and I headed to the park since it was a beautiful day that shouldn't go to waste. We had snacks, played a few games Sorry, and talked (something we do quite well) while taking in the sun and the scenery.

Hard to see, but there's a Redtail Blackbird perched there

On day three, my mother and I made the trip to New York City to see "Billy Elliot" on Broadway. It was a fantastic show. The dancing was fantabulous. With two boys tap dancing in a full blown spoof of a typical Broadway performance, complete with huge vanity lights and silver streamers, you know it had to be good.

An appreciation for the art grew at a very young age, thanks to my mother taking me to my first shows and continuing to accompany me occasionally throughout adulthood. I have been lucky enough to see a few professional musicals - My One and Only, The Tap Dance Kid, Into The Woods, Annie Get Your Gun, Guys and Dolls, Miss Saigon, Cats, Les Miserables, Phantom Of The Opera, Rent, Moving Out, Sweeney Todd - not to mention what I've seen in schools, and was happy to add "Billy Elliot" to the list.

A tradition that my mother and I share is to visit the Hard Rock Cafe if the city has one. A few years ago, they opened one in Times Square and this was our first opportunity to go.

Mom and I in front of the guitar wall just before being seated for dinner.

Yesterday was day four and I spent most of it getting caught up on sleep. I hadn't realized just how much the long drive down and back from the city had taken out of me, as well as how charged up I was after getting home that I couldn't sleep for hours and had to start working on editing the photos. Monday Night Craft Night dinner was on me this week, but I had no energy so I just got supplies to make mini subs.

Sara takes a break from crocheting her purple baby blanket to find us some music to listen to

Rose knitting her circular baby blanket - a project I'll have to have her teach me

Today is day five of my six-day vacation, which will end on my birthday. I am planning on doing nothing but reading and crocheting today, just enjoying my time away from work. Tomorrow, is my birthday so the plans are left up to Sagittarius. I can't wait.

That Sense Of Awe

There have been three things this week that have had my mind tumbling with amazement and accomplishment.  I welcome those feelings like a long lost friend welcomes another with a heart-felt hug and squeeze that says "all that matters is this".

First, it has been a month since someone special put a smile on my face and it hasn't left yet.  My life was a rollercoaster of emotion for a time, a sea of nothing for a while, then a flower beginning to bloom as I began to make those first attempts at salvaging myself by spending time with friends learning how to knit and crochet.  So these feelings weren't ever expected at this time in my life, and I will be eternally grateful for them and for the person that has brought them out in me - I will call him Sagittarius.

Second, I finally finished crochet baby blanket number 2 for another co-worker.  The original plan was to have it done a month ago, before the baby was born, but I was pleasantly distracted by the afore mentioned someone special.  Now, I get to give it to the actually baby and hopefully get to see her wrapped in it which doesn't usually happen at baby showers (unless someone screwed up with the planning, or Junior decided he wanted to make an early appearance).

I pretty much held true to the pattern that I had wanted for baby blanket number 1, which I had to alter when I realized I still hadn't learned about gauge and the size was too small.  The pattern is called Baby Gritghan, which Sara found on the Ravelry website for me - she and I are both members, and I have to give them kudos.  However, instead of keeping it a solid, I made it stripped.  Two rows form a "puff" pattern, and I made it each color about 6 "puffs" wide.  I chose all the baby pastels (pink, blue, green, and pink) since at the time the baby diva, who turned out to be a girl, was being too modest to let her parents know what she was until she was born.  I did the edging in a pastel purple and weaved in a white ribbon.  I think it turned out pretty cute, and have decided to do something similar for baby blanket number 3 for the little girl a friend in PA will be having in June.

Last but not least, today was the first communion for Rose and Geek's daughter, Lil Redhead.  She was so cute up at the alter with the rest of the kids, and was one of the smallest.  She tends to be on the shy side, so I was so happy when I saw her singing in the front row with the rest of them.  Her brother, LeggoBoy, is my godson and had his first communion last year.  He was a year late in doing it, and was the only one. 

It was a stark contrast between the two services, yet both special for each.  LeggoBoy brought tears of joy to my eyes last year, and Lil Redhead brought a huge beaming grin to my face.  I am not Catholic, and can't say that I understand a lot of their traditions.  However, there is a wonderful feeling that comes with seeing a child learn about their religion, take pride in that knowledge as these two did on their special days, and accept it into their lives.  I'm not saying they will always feel this way or this close to it. 

But for one moment they did, and all life is is a series of moments pulled together by a thread.

The Impossible

Someone has put a smile on my face that has lasted days.  I won't get into specifics, but I will say I had forgotten how great it feels to just be happy in the moment and not wonder what's the next great catastrophe lurking around the bend.

I have been blessed with a few people in my life who have been able to cheer me up and improve my outlook with their mere pressence.  Another has recently been added to that list.  It's funny what happens when you finally open yourself up to the possibility of the impossible.  Sometimes the outcome blows your mind.

The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly

Once again, I'm at the folk's. This time it's been two weeks straight and the walls are closing in on me.

Oh why, oh why, am I here again? It's not like I don't like spending time with my folks, but when mom works two jobs with one stretching to midnight sometimes, I'm most likely asleep before she gets home. No. The cosmos decided it was long overdue that I have an accident.

My poor car looks like a one-eyed monster that got hit in the face with a bat and suffered a stroke as a result. The accident itself wasn't horrible. No one was hurt. No vehicles were totaled. But the fact that my door wouldn't open sent me over the emotional edge.

Then to top it off, I immediately drove to the closest dealership, but it was closed due to unforeseen circumstances. So as I try to hold back tears while on the cell with my mom (I have a hands free set because I absolutely detest it when people are on the phone and driving), I drive to the next dealership about 25 minutes away. My mom tried to get me to pull over because I was too emotional. By my silly self actually told her "No, I have to drive."

"I have to drive." What kind of nonsense was that!?! Well, I knew it would take her another half hour to get to me and I just couldn't pull over to sit in my car, twiddling my thumbs, replaying the whole thing all over again.

So I am here again, and I have a familiar friend, or rather foe. Sickness has come for another visit as well. He has set up his retreat in my chest, throat, nose and ears. He has a real fondness for my throat and ears and spends most of his time there whenever he's around. He often brings gifts, most likely in the form of the phlegm that travels back and forth from nose to throat. He's the bad house guest that always overstays his welcome.

But in the midst of all this I have had my sweet spots. I have finished the first of several baby blankets that I want to do for friends that are all due in the next few months. It's a crochet pattern that my friend Sara found for me that has a laced edging for a ribbon to be weaved in. Unfortunately, I crochet as tight as I knit and still am not used to checking gauge. So this came out too skinny for my taste and I didn’t have time to frog it and start all over again. So Sara helped me to modify it.

We rotated the blanket 90 degrees and started the pattern over again. But when I was done with the size, that was where we stopped with the pattern. She then helped me to add a “shell” styled edging. Although it’s not what I had wanted originally, I think this came out very cute, and very good for my first real crochet project.

Then there is my pops and the animals. Pops isn't the type to show affection to animals, but when you're not looking, he feeds them scraps with care, covers the dog with a blanket, and lets my mom know he kind of misses the "grandkids" after we've gone back home. So, tonight it was no surprise to me that he went to the store and bought the cats tuna.

I knew Mr. Antisocial would not come out of his hiding space (the little space in between the desk and the radiator in my ex-bedroom), but Baby Kitty would love it. As soon as Pops opened the can, Arlo was in extreme agony. He was leashed in a way that wouldn't let him leave the bedroom. He could only get as far as the door. Pops took a few minutes to mix up the tuna, with Arlo whimpering to be let into the kitchen the entire time. Baby Kitty was perched at Pops feet, ready to go. Almost as soon as Pops had the dish on the floor, it was gone. Arlo cried in pain that his gluttonous self couldn't get to it.

So what does Baby Kitty do? She walks over and stands in front of Arlo, about 5 feet further than he could possibly reach, licks her lips and cleans her mouth in front of him. I start laughing. Pops (as Baby Kitty) to Arlo at that moment: "Your eyes may shine, your teeth may grit, but none of this you're gonna get."

Reflections

My friend Sara posted a similar list on her blog. She calls it a meme.

Copy and paste the list below into your own post, and then make bold (and/or italicize) all the things you have done.


Started your own blog
Slept under the stars
Played in a band - Flute
Visited Hawaii - but need to go back since a 16 year old can't really enjoy the trip when her mom is going crazy with the sightseeing
Watched a meteor shower
Given more than you can afford to charity
Been to Disneyland/world - both (world is better)
Climbed a mountain
Held a praying mantis
Sang a solo - Snow White will live in infamy
Bungee jumped
Visited Paris
Watched a lightning storm at sea
Taught yourself an art from scratch
Adopted a child
Had food poisoning
to the top of the Statue of Liberty
Seen the Mona Lisa in France
Slept on an overnight train
Had a pillow fight
Hitchhiked
Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
Built a snow fort
Held a lamb
Gone skinny dipping
Been to a Broadway show in NY - loved Rent, Moving Out, Miss Saigon, and my favorite was Les Miserables
Ran a Marathon
Been in three states at once
Ridden in a gondola in Venice
Seen a total eclipse
Watched a sunrise or sunset
Hit a home run
Been on a Cruise
Seen Niagra Falls in Person
Visited the birthplace of your Ancestors
Seen an Amish community
Taught yourself a new language - not to proficiency
Had enough money to be truly satisfied
Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
Gone rock climbing
Seen Michelangelo’s David
Sung karaoke
Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
Visited Africa
Walked on a beach by moonlight
Been transported in an ambulance
Had your portrait painted - when I was 5
Gone deep sea fishing
Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
Gone scuba diving or snorkeling - I love to swim but snorkeling in the big ocean is scary "as all get out"
Kissed in the rain
Played in the mud - but then ran inside to wash my hands because I have a thing about my hands
Been to Grace Kelley’s grave in Monaco
Gone to a drive-in theater
Been in a movie
Visited the Great Wall of China
Started a business
Taken a martial arts class
Swam in the Mediterranean Sea
Visited Russia
Served at a soup kitchen
Sold Girl Scout cookies
Gone whale watching
Gotten flowers for no reason
Donated blood, platelets or plasma
Gone sky diving
Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
Bounced a check
Saved a favorite childhood toy - does it count if my mother did all the saving for me?
Visited the Lincoln Memorial
Eaten Caviar
Pieced a quilt
Stood in Times Square
Toured the Everglades
Been fired from a job
Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
Broken a bone - same darn arm twice (once at 5 once a few years ago - both times involved wheels under my feet)
Been on a speeding motorcycle
Seen the Grand Canyon in person - beautiful
Published a book
Visited the Vatican
Bought a brand new car
Walked in Jerusalem
Had your picture in the newspaper
Read the entire Bible
Visited the White House
Killed and prepared my own meat
Had chickenpox
Saved someone’s life
Sat on a jury
Met someone famous - a few - the most special being Michael J Fox
Joined a book club - 3 at the same time (bad move)
Lost a loved one
Had a baby
Seen the Alamo in person
Swam in the Great Salt Lake
Been involved in a law suit
Owned a cell phone
Been stung by a bee

Lost

Over the past two weeks I have lost two things precious to me.  Both were entrusted to me by my late Jake.  One has found it's way back into my life.  The other is gone forever.

I was standing in front of a classroom when I realized the first item was gone.  I pushed my left hand from my right wrist up my arm and panicked when it dawned on me that it was gone.  I immediately felt naked without it, as I have worn it almost every day since Jake gave it to me.  It was the bracelet that he gave me as a wedding present.

I tore my house and my parent's houses apart looking for it.  I got on my knees and checked all the crevaces in the car to see if it dropped there.  I knew that if I lost it on the street, I might never see it again. For the past two weeks, along with the bracelet, I have been lost.  When I almost lost all hope, my mom called me this weekend to tell me that my dad had found it.  I felt like myself again.

The second thing was lost this weekend.  My beloved, crazy 15 year old puppy has lost his youth.  This became blatant this weekend when the milky film started forming over his eyes.  I thought he might be sick and started cleaning out his eye.  I did this several times a day.  When I bought him over to my folks with me for the Superbowl, they echo my fears that it appeared to be the beginning of cataracts.

Usually when you hurt him he shows his mean face and may even attempt to bite you.  This time, he just whimpered and turned his head.  He was uncomfortable and would try to paw at his eye, to no avale.

I knew this was going to happen.  Lately I watch him as he sleeps so I can see if he's still breathing.  But he's always had a youthful attitude and spunk about him.  With the eye problems came sluggishness.  Knowing this was bound to happen and it actually happening bring out two separate sets of emotions.

This morning, another sign that he is no longer my little puppy. In his sleep, he urinated on himself.

Some might think it ridiculous to get upset over a dog.  However, Arlo has always been more than a dog.  He was Jake's best friend ever since he was rescued from the shelter.  At first, the two of us didn't get along so well - the dog kicked me out of my own bed.  But our relationship has flourished, especially since Jake passed away.  I can lean over and ask for "kissy" and no matter what mood he's in, he'll put a smile on his face and lick.  I know - gross, a dog licking you.  Oh, get over it!

So in two weeks time I lost two things I love.  I got one back.  Now I need to deal with the loss of the other.  I don't know which one is worse - losing something given as a testament to forever, or losing the youthfulness of a friend and having to cope with the old age and eventual death of him.

 

Baby Arlo with Daddy.

Still There

I left home early for work yesterday. My co-worker and I had a lot to do together and I wanted to get a jump on it. Unfortunately, about 3/4 of the way into my commute an unusual sound made its presence known.

At first I thought it was a low flying jet. Then I thought it was someone's muffler. I soon realized it was coming from my car and I started heading for the shoulder. When I hit the rumble strip I knew that my tire had blown and my rim was grinding the pavement.

My first call was to the folks, but my dad had already left for work. So I called my roadside assistance. I know I should have learned a long time ago how to change a tire. That would be the smart thing to do. I could have attempted to figure it out because I've seen it done before. However, it was freezing yesterday and the thought of freezing my hands off didn't appeal to me.

The lovely thing about New York is that they have a service that travels the highways and assist drivers for free. At the time I did not know it was a free service, so when a help truck showed up then quickly departed when I told the driver that I had called my service, I didn't think too much of it.

After getting an automated call from the service that a tow company would be there in 45 minutes, a State Trooper K-9 unit with two officers showed up and quickly left when I told them when the tow service would be there. Then, about half an hour later, after I got another automated call notifying me that the service should be there in 15 minutes another trooper showed up. He proceeded to tell me that the help truck should have stayed with me, then left me. So a help truck driver paid to assist motorist and three state troopers all left me there alone on the side of the highway in the freezing cold.

When I was about to pick up the phone and call the service to see what was keeping them, a black beat up pick-up truck pulled in behind me. Fear started pulsing as Forensic File stories of helpless motorists being taken advantage of flashed through my head.

When the driver opened the door, and I saw "Jake's Towing" painted on it, all my fear faded away. Somehow, even beyond the grave, my beloved husband is still taking care of me.