Hanging In There

Life with a new puppy can be a rollercoaster.  Then I throw in preparing for a wedding, holidays, and illness.

Sweet Boy graduated obedience school at the beginning of November.  He was a really good student and I think he was "teacher's pet" - pun intended.  She was impressed with the focus he gives us, and she invited him to come for refreshers at her home.  We'll have to take her up on that offer.

Unfortunately, our little boy has been getting into a destructive phase.  He has torn into and eaten the stuffing of his second bed, the one we purchased when he grew out of his first bed.  Funny thing is, he still tries to squeeze into the tiny bed, like I try to squeeze into those jeans that clearly don't fit anymore.

He has since moved on to tearing holes into the comforters we got him to try and keep warm with.  He loves to eat the stuffing.  Really, he loves to eat anything.  Money is tight, so we have some strict controls on the heat, but don't want the poor thing to freeze.  He apparently would rather eat than keep warm. 

All of this has taken place after he systematically annihilated our kitchen.  We used to keep him sectioned off in the kitchen when we went to work because he was having some serious issues with food.  We imagined it would be easier on him and on us.  Boy were we wrong.  We came home one day to paper towel fragments all over, with him pooping out the cardboard tube later.  The next day, any glasses we had what we thought was out of reach on the counter were all over the floor with a few of them broken.  The day after that we came home to a puppy hyped up on the six cans of Pepsi he had punched holes in and sucked dry like he was a vampire.  Even as we left for obedience school the next day, he was like "Let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go!!!!!!!!!"  That was the straw that broke the camels back.  That day he got a larger crate that he would be kept in during the day.

He is still a pretty well mannered puppy most of the time.  He did wonderful with all the kids during Thanksgiving.  We realize though, that with the cold weather setting in, we need to get him on the treadmill to burn off his energy.  Now if only we could get him to see it our way.

As far as the cats are concerned, he is still "Monster".  He chases them and we are working to break him of it.  Baby Kitty likes getting him in trouble.  She knows that if she meows while he's around, even if he's not doing anything to her (which is rare), we'll yell at him to leave her alone.  Their antics have inspired a new blog just for them - Us Pets Rule.

I have been sick for awhile.  The week before Thanksgiving I got the flu.  The week after Thanksgiving, it developed into laryngitis.  My voice was shot for about a week and is still getting back to normal.  The animals, as always, were my nurses.  I was home for a week, and the cats never left my side.  It is soothing at times to have a cat purr you to sleep.

Christmas is coming around the bend.  I would love to have hand made gifts for everyone, but with all this going on, as well as a sister and sister-in-law that are both expecting babies that I am working on projects for, the knitted and crochet gifts are not happening this year.  It's also been ages since I've gone to Monday Night Craft Night - which Rose and Sara changed to Tuesdays for me since Mondays were getting tough for me because of work.  I should get back into the swing of things soon since I am starting to feel better and things are calming down now.

In the midst of this, we are still planning our wedding.  We have the church, the reception site and now the DJ.  We are doing the invites ourselves - which seems to be a new trend.  We ordered the rings and got them the other day.  I need to exchange mine for a different size though, as their sizing in the store seems to have been off.  We ordered the band the same size as the engagement ring, but the band is too small.  How odd.

Overload

Trying to settle into life with a puppy has been interesting to say the least.  Sweet Boy wants to constantly play with Baby Kitty.  She, on the other hand, fears his size and energy and yells at him constantly.  We have been crating him at night in our attempts to house-break him, and she sits outside the cage in the middle of the night just to mess with him and wake him up. For more on how she finds way to taunt dogs, I defer to the Tuna Incident at my parents house.

Mr. Antisocial is completely unimpressed with the new "beast".  It took about a week for him to show his face again.  When he does come around, it's usually when it's time to crawl into bed and only after the beast has been caged.

Sweet Boy has been having issues with going to the bathroom.  Saying he has GI problems would be putting it mildly.  Coming home from work involves a daily bet between Sagittarius and I as to how many presents he has for us to clean up.  He has had nights when he has gone into his cage with little fuss and has lasted until a good time in the morning, and others when we were lucky if he made it a couple hours before having to be let out.  Sleep deprivation has not been uncommon for Sagittarius and I.

We are also trying to deal with the typical puppy issues of jumping on people, barking at inappropriate times, chewing and regular command training.  So the ever researcher I am, I have been reading up on all kinds of training advice.  I have been to numerous websites looking for recommended methods.  Unfortunately, it seems like there is too much inconsistency, even in the consistency.

Then I found this and it pretty much says it all.

The Official Dog Enthusiasts' DON'T List 

DON'T let your dog sleep in your bed. It will cause aggression problems down the road. 
DON'T make your dog sleep in a crate. Crate is just another word for small cage. 
DON'T let your dog sleep outside at night. If God had wanted dogs to sleep outside, he would have covered their body with hair to keep them warm. 
DON'T let your dog sleep. You should be playing with him all the time. 
DON'T keep more than two dogs. Each individual dog requires considerable time and energy, and it is impossible for a responsible dog owner to spend quality time with more than two dogs. 
DON'T keep less than five dogs. Dogs are pack animals and five dogs is the minimum number for proper socialization. 
DON'T feed your dog kibble. Kibble is the invention of evil capitalists who want your money, and kibble has no nutritional value whatsoever. You might as well feed your dog sawdust. 
DON'T cook your dog's meat or chicken. Cooking destroys all the nutrients. 
DON'T feed your dog raw meat or raw chicken. Raw food contains salmonella, e-coli, and other harmful bacteria. 
DON'T let your dog drink out of a plastic bowl. It will turn his nose pink. 
DON'T post messages to a dog list. You will surely get bopped on the head for thinking that someone else cares about your silly little opinions. 
DON'T poke your eye with a sharp stick. It has nothing to do with dogs, but it's a good rule nonetheless. 
DON'T microchip your dog. A nearby cell phone can cause a microchipped dog to explode, or so says the lady running the tattoo booth. 
DON'T tattoo your dog on the ear. A dog thief will cut off the tattooed ear. 
DON'T tattoo your dog on the thigh. He'll be a tripod before you can say Ginsu. 
DON'T keep a collar on your dog when unattended. He could get caught on something and choke. 
DON'T leave your dog unattended without a collar. He could run away without any identification. 
DON'T transport your dog in a plastic crate. Plastic crates don't allow sufficient air flow. 
DON'T transport your dog in a wire crate. In a car accident, a wire crate transforms into a doggie skewer. On days you plan to have a car accident, it's acceptable to use a plastic crate. 
DON'T let your dog drive. It's against the law in many states. 
DON'T enter your dog in conformation. It's b-o-r-i-n-g for the dog. 
DON'T enter your dog in obedience. It's B-o-r-i-n-g with a capital "B." 
DON'T enter your dog in agility. The jumps will injure his joints. 
DON'T send your dog out with a handler. Only a psychopath would send their beloved pet with a complete stranger. 
DON'T handle your dog yourself. You've got a great dog and he deserves a much better handler than you will ever be. 
DON'T get a purebred dog. Too much inbreeding has produced dogs with temperament and health problems. 
DON'T get a mutt. You don't know anything about their pedigree. In fact, if you're thinking about getting a dog, get a cat instead. 
DON'T don't. That's right, you heard me, just don't! 
DON'T leave your dog's dewclaws intact. He will rip one off jumping a log or something, which is quite painful. 
DON'T remove your dog's dewclaws. Dewclaws are acupuncture points that are needed for proper functioning of the kidneys.  

AND the #1 DON'T .... 

DON'T trim your dog's whiskers. Dogs use their whiskers to determine the size of their head, which is important when they are out shopping for a new hat.

Young Ones

My life this week has been pleasantly surrounded by young souls. I picked up Lil Cuz on Thursday for a long weekend visit, and a week ago today a new family member was brought home. Our two and a half month, almost three month, old boy is a German Shepherd puppy. I’ll nickname him Sweet Boy for this purpose.

Sweet Boy is, as his name implies, a sweet loveable boy. He has been pretty good for us this week, except he doesn’t like his cage. I’ve had mixed emotions about the cage. I’ve never had a dog that I caged but the experts are now saying that because of the dog’s long history of den living, cages are perfect. They say if you create a den atmosphere about the cage, then the dog will grow to feel safe and comfortable.

Unfortunately, Sweet Boy hasn’t gotten the memo yet. He has gotten better over the past few days, but he still goes through long periods of whining. We have been caging him at night in hopes of creating longer periods of time between him going to the bathroom so that he can better handle when we’re at work. We have gotten him up to four hours, but only after a 2am pee break. Sagittarius and I have been trading naps during the day to compensate for the sleep deprivation. I imagine this must be similar to what parents go through with new babies.

We are also working on his biting. It’s cute now, but as one book brought to our attention, it won’t be cute when he’s an adult with teeth designed to tear flesh apart. So we have taken to the idea of crying out in fake pain and halting the play every time he bites. The idea was that puppies stop bite playing with their siblings when they cry out in pain. Hopefully he won’t like the loss of his playmate and will eventually stop biting the playmate for fear of losing said pal. So far, results have been mixed.

Sweet Boy

In the midst of all this, I picked up Lil Cuz so we could spend some time together. She is going to be one of my bridesmaids.  So we took the opportunity to go dress shopping this weekend with Rose, who’s going to be another bridesmaid, to get ideas. It was productive as both agreed on a style they liked and I finalized what shades of green and red I would like for the wedding.

Lil Cuz amazes me sometimes. In the same discussion of typical teenage girl talk of boys, she also talks about what she wants from life, being true to herself and her goals, as well as throwing around other terms that you would expect out of an adult more so than a sixteen year old. Even if I do have to con her to give up her phone and texting for part of it, even visit with her is precious.

I and Lil Cuz at mini golf

Sagittarius, Lil Cuz and Sweet Boy at the park

Contrast Between Light And Dark

Everything has it's opposite - at least that's how the story goes.

What is Yin without Yang? Good without Evil? War without Peace? There is a balance that comes with life, a balance that will be maintained no matter how much you may try to sway things towards one way or another.

So today as I begin planning for this wonderful journey towards a new life and future with Sagittarius, I also had to remember the past. I bought flowers.

I bought flowers for a man that will never touch them, never smell them, never see them, yet somehow may know that I got them. I picked Azaleas because that's what we planted that first spring in the backyard of our new home - the home that would see our children being born and watch us grow old, children that will never exist and an "us" that only does in an alternate reality. They are not to be, because that man is no longer here.

Jake left this world three years ago today.

In the past years I took the day off from work, bought flowers, visited with him at the cemetery for some time, then came home and cried myself to sleep. However, seeing how good things have been going in my life, I thought it best to force myself to go to work and just deal. I had no idea just how hard that was going to be.

No one said anything to me to send me over the edge. It was just a constant battle to keep the emotions from coming out when I was in a meeting or talking with a colleague, to put on that smile that masks the pain within. It took more strength than I imagined to just focus, and my mind wandered so much.  So I took the time and bought the flowers, and paid a visit to the cemetery. However, I brought the flowers home to plant next to the others.

The fact of the matter is that although I am truly happy, I still mourn the man. No matter how much I love Sagittarius, I still love Jake. I always will. Sometimes there is shame that there is still a piece of me that will always belong to him, and yet a calm that comes with knowing he will always be a part of me.

Each year amongst remembering the smile on his face, his sense of humor, and his fingers as he strummed his guitar, I remember the darkness. I remember the pain of losing him, sitting in the cemetery after dark during my daily visits that didn't stop because winter came, the hurt caused by those that were supposed to be closest, the breakdowns at work, the shell of a human I became when just "being" seemed so hard to do.  With that, I see who I am and how far I have come - from the silence has come the sounds of love.

How do you grieve for one love when you have found another?  I cried.  I reflected.  I hurt.  I loved.  I bought flowers.

Life's Plans

Life has a habit of getting in the way when you’re making plans.  A lot of life has happened since last I posted.

As March started rolling out, I was knitting a blanket for myself, we were working out on the Wii Fit Plus we had just purchased in hopes of loosing weight before the summer, had a wedding to plan, and were saving money for that and a honeymoon and a trip to California for my brother’s wedding in October.  At that point, Life decided Sagittarius needed to lose his job.  The company that he was with for eight years let him go. This, of course, would be an emotional situation for anyone.  Our one year anniversary at the beginning of April was a quiet affair.  With going down to one income, plans for the wedding had to be put on hold for the time being, and the saved money would have to be tapped. 

As we began to make plans for trying to deal with that situation, Life chose to make me very sick again.  I came down with a GI virus that kept me out of work for two weeks.  Just as I would begin to feel better, fatigue (the worse symptom of the virus) would hit me hard and pull me back down.  Even though I went back to work, I was really out of it for about six weeks.  The fetal position became my best friend, so crafting and Craft Nights ceased for me.  The sickness hit Sagittarius as well, and working out was put on the back burner for both of us.

In all that, however, I found out that I suffer from a condition called Spastic Colon (also know as IBS or Irritable Bowel Syndrome).  This is the problem that has been plaguing me for so long and had made me ill so many times, month after month.  Unfortunately, there is no “cure” for it, but I’ve learned the foods I should be eating to lessen the spasms. 

One issue with this disorder though, is that stress can spur on spasms, and when Life has been acting the way it has, it’s been difficult to keep them at bay.  So my mind has been battling itself, trying to see the good when there seems to be only bad in the way.  Surprisingly, since Sagittarius lost his job, there has only been one day that I had an emotional break and couldn’t see how we would make it through.  I have been pretty optimistic, even though I must admit that it’s more often easier said than done.

Sagittarius turned what could have been an opportunity to wallow in depression and feel sorry for himself into a chance to reinvent himself.  He went back to school for IT certification.  He was able to get a temporary job during the day, and goes to classes at night.  This news came shortly before my birthday, so even though we weren’t able to go camping as we had originally had hoped, we were still able to celebrate with the sense of a weight having been lifted from our shoulders.  By the end of the summer, he should be looking for a position in his new chosen field.

I have been able to get back to Craft Night on the occasional basis.  I hadn’t picked up the knitting needles or crochet hooks until today, but have gone to enjoy dinner and felt up to hanging out all night last week.  Sagittarius and I are feeling better now, and his mother has arrived for a much anticipated visit.  So he and I have begun talking about getting back to our plans.

Here’s hoping Life decides to butt out this time.

All Good Things

Recently my posts have been lined with sadness, even though my life is very happy right now.  So I am pleased that I only have good things to write on.

My father is doing much better post stroke.  He has given up smoking, and most of the residual affects of the stroke seem to be gone now.  He is back to irritating my mother on a daily basis - a sure sign he's feeling like his normal self.  The two have been together for about 29 years and fight like cats and dogs, even though they love each other dearly.  I think my favorite, and most annoying, thing he does is tell you that you remember something he doesn't.

Him "What's the name of that girl?"  You: "What girl?"  Him: "You know.  That girl.  The one in the movie with that guy."  You (sarcastic): "OH.  THAT Girl!  I have no idea what you're talking about."  Him: "You do.  You remember her."  You: "Yeah, yeah her" (as you walk away wondering what the heck just happened).

My biggest projects to date (the blankets I made for Pops, my mom, Sagittarius and his mom), were such a big hit at Christmas, that I am finally making one as my first big project for myself.  I am working on the pattern titled "Blissful" in the Big Book Of Quick Knit Afghans published by Leisure Arts.  I love the easy to work with patterns in this book so much that this is the fourth one I'm doing from it.  I did all of them in double the yarn.

 

I made "Sunny" in Caron yarn (color is Rose Tones) for my mom

  

 

I made "Sunny" in Caron yarn (color is Denim Tones) for Sagittarius' mom

 

 I made "Comfy" in Caron yarn (color is Forest Green) for Sagittarius.

I love the basket weave.

The link to the book on Amazon is here.

A couple weeks ago, Sagittarius received a tax refund and we used it to get a Nintendo Wii.  We love playing games together, as evidenced by the fact that this is our third major gaming system (fourth if you count my Nintendo DS Lite).  I came into the relationship with a Playstation 2, he with an XBox 360.

However, we both had a main purpose for getting a Wii besides being able to play new games.  We both want to loose some weight. We have a treadmill and an excercise bike in the attic.  We just don't get a chance to make use of them during the winter as there is no insulation up there.  We thought the Wii Fit would make exercise more fun by combining our love of video games with it.

It has been about a week and a half since we started.  Our weights have gone up and down a couple pounds both ways.  Although we're not expecting to loose a substantial amount of weight, we are both feeling a lot better.

February 5th was our ten month anniversary.  Sagittarius took me to dinner to the same restaurant where we had our first date.  After dinner, as we waited for dessert, I asked him how many more months to go until we were 114.  He said he didn't know, but said he had something to ask me.  He got up from the table, walked over to my side, dropped to his knee, pulled out a diamond engagement ring, and asked me to marry him.  I said yes.  Well, I actually said "Of course", and kissed his beautiful face.

I still protest Valentine's Day as a Hallmark made up holiday which has nothing to do with the man it's named after.  Yet, today I am happy and I am in love.  Valentine had nothing to do with it.

Daddy's Girl

I'm nine years old and I wake up in the recovery room after having my tonsils and adnoids removed.  I'm in pain and can't speak.  All I have to let the nurse know that I do want some Sprite, when she offers, is a small "uh huh" type grunt.  The soda soothes a little but the pain wont go a way.  But I'm a tough little girl and hold things in as she gets me in a wheelchair and takes me on the long trip through the hospital to my parents.

As we approach the room where I can change and get ready to go home, my mom is waiting in the hallway.  When she sees me she walks over, bends down to me and asks how I feel.  I nod the sign of "It sucks, but such is life".  I am then wheeled into the room where my dad is waiting.  He looks at me and with a knowing tone says, "Hi honey.  It hurts, huh?"  With that I burst into tears, let him pick me up and sit me into his lap, and I burry my head into his shoulder as he holds me and strokes my hair.  This defines the relationship with my parents for years.  I love my mother with all my heart and know she'll be there for me when I need her, but my dad has a way of pulling out of me that thing that needs to come out.

I have been lucky enough to have two great dads in my life.  The first one had the first five years of my life, before his life was taken away from us.  The second, Pops, came into our lives after we moved 3,000 miles across country to make a fresh start. It was not easy for him.  He had to deal with a little emotional girl who couldn't express her pain except to say "I miss my Daddy" - and she said it every time she was upset, including when told to take a bath.  Then, when asked if she cared for this new man in her life, she flat out said "No".  Of course, she didn't know what the words "Care for" meant, but a long discussion ensued none the less.

Pops had four kids of his own, but only one, my brother Vooten (when he was small, that was how he described the sound a car makes) came to live with us for any amount of time.  With that, even though it might have sadden him to think of it, I know Pops might have felt closer to me than his own blood.  A two hour comute in LA traffic wouldn't keep him from any of my plays, band performances, parades, spelling bees and the such.  With my mom having gone back to school, joining the Air Force Reserves and working two jobs all at the same time, he would usually be the one picking up my brother and I from my aunt's house to cook dinner for us then get us ready for bed.

Throughout fairy tales, the step parent is always put in an evil light.  Pops has never been like that.  Yet even with that I never got comfortable calling him "Dad" to his face.  He was introduced to me with his first name, and that's what I've always called him.  He was happily surprised one day when he found out that I referred of him to others as "my dad".  As I call him Pops, he knows that this is my way of communicating that to him.  How do you give someone the name "Dad", when that was the name of the man before him, even if that is how you feel in your heart?

Pops fixing the training wheels on my bike.  He taught me how to ride.

Halloween, fourth grade.  We're in front of the fireplace.  We both love having a fire in the fireplace.

Eighth grade.  I got an award for perfect attendance.

My twenty-first birthday.  New York City at our back.  He put his coat on me as it was very windy for June.

At the celebration for my mom's 50th birthday and her safe return from Operation Enduring Freedom.

Pops shooting the breeze with Abe Lincoln during my parents cross country trip a few years ago.

My dad has always been protective of me.  My parents were never smothering.  His protection was always more towards getting me to stick up for and protect myself.  Both in kindergarten and middle school, when I was being bullied and threatened with fights, instead of him pulling me out of school or telling school officials, he gave me fighting tips.  Of course, he sat in his car watching to make sure I wasn't taken by more that one at a time. When Jake died, my parents had no idea of how to help me.  His protection often took the form, once again, of just holding me while I cried.

This Thanksgiving found Sagittarius and I packing up our Guitar Hero equipment and some movies, so that we could share some fun times with my parents and some extended family that came for the holiday.  Although the kids had fun with the games, my dad, as usual, with his funny outgoing personality, was the center of attention.  When he took over a guitar and lost the song, he decided to become a showman and danced around instead.  He danced around while others played, as well.

Christmas Eve is my family's day for togetherness and celebrating, traditionally.  My parents came over to spend the night this year.  We exchanged presents at midnight.  Pops loved the blanket I had been working on for him since July.  My mom and Sagittarius loved theirs as well, but my dad's blanket was the one that started it all.  Even though we had very little sleep, my dad and I made breakfast together Christmas morning.  We had a great time before they had to leave so my mom could go into work that night.

Pops on Christmas Eve/early Christmas morning with the blanket I made him.

Two days after Christmas, my dad had a stroke.  With no health insurance to speak of, he dealt with the pain and dizziness from Saturday until Tuesday morning when he finally told my mom she had to take him to the ER.  When a Neurologist came to examine him, I knew what they were looking for and the CT scan performed shortly afterward confirmed it.

My dad has always been pretty healthy, even though he is a smoker.  My mother is the one that tends to be a bit of a hypochondriac, with a new ache or pain every day. Therefore, to see him lying in a hospital bed seemed like a huge cosmic joke.  You know your parents aren't going to live forever.  You do expect them to go before you.  That still doesn't take away the sense of fear or "what will I do without them" with time slaps you in the face with something like this.

I am happy to say that his stroke wasn't as bad as it could have been.  The part of the brain that was affected can be easily compensated for by the rest of the brain.  His coordination has started coming back and he was discharged from the hospital on New Years Eve.

As many are making resolutions for the upcoming year, that they'll break before February rolls around, I'm just happy that we have another day.